How to find your soul mate – The Foolish Way to Captivating the Love of your Life
We’ve been together for 28 years, celebrated our 17th anniversary just over 3 months ago, and, like the Energizer Bunny, we are still going strong.
Everyone needs someone who understands them and cares for them unconditionally. Sure we have parents and siblings, but the one person who truly gets you is your soul mate.
Many children are introduced to the idea of soul mates in movies or television shows. Two people meet and just fall madly in love with each other. But is that all there is?
What are Soul Mates?
Sounds romantic. But what exactly is it? And how do you know when you found one?
Aristophanes states that humans originally had four arms, four legs, and a single head made of two faces.
The men were children of the sun, the women were children of the earth and the Androgynous were children of the moon, which was born of the sun and earth.
It is said that humans had great strength at the time and threatened to conquer the gods.
These split humans were in utter misery to the point where they would not eat and would perish so Apollo had sewn them up and reconstituted their bodies with the navel being the only remnant harkening back to their original form.
Each human would then only have one set of genitalia and would forever long for his/her other half; the other half of his/her soul.
It is said that when the two find each other, there is an unspoken understanding of one another, that they feel unified and would lie with each other in unity and would know no greater joy than that.
Soul mates: Soul + Mate
What’s in a Soul?
Soul is our principle of life, our feelings, our thoughts, and our actions. It is inseparable from the body; the spiritual part of humans as distinct from the physical part.
Mate is more than a friend or a spouse. It is one of a pair, your support, and love.
How do you know when you found your Soul Mate?
There is no definitive rule. No way to measure the love and the level of understanding. But it is more than a feeling.
Here’s how I see my husband / soul mate:
- There’s no jealousy. I love it when others compliment about him.
- There’s no doubt that I am the most important person in his life, and him in mine.
- We can share our thoughts just by looking at each other, without saying a word.
- Neither of us can imagine a life without each other.
- We’re 100% comfortable in each other’s presence.
- We don’t hold any secrets from each other.
- We lift each other’s spirits, even on the worst of days.
- We support and believe in each other, regardless of how bad things get.
- We feel safe and at peace with each other.
If you Google ‘Soul Mate’, you will come up with about 428, 000 results, indicating signs that you know you’ve found your soul mate. Truth is, you will know when you have found yours.
The idea of a Soul Mate is common among Hollywood films: “Serendipity”, “Somewhere in Time”, “City of Glass”, “The Lake House”. Some characters go across time and space to be with each other.
So if you have already found your soul mate, as we had, CONGRATULATIONS!
Word of advice though: Once you know that you’ve found ‘The One’, stop doubting yourself and enjoy.
What you need to know to find your soul mate?
If you haven’t found yours yet, don’t panic. There are a few rules about finding your soul mate:
- You must believe that you deserve one.
- Never put yourself down. You are not too old, too young, too fat, too thin, too black, too white, too Asian, too Hispanic, too tall, too short, too smart, too dumb. None of these traits are important. You just have to be you.
- To find your soul mate, you must know your Soul. Listen to your heart. Learn to know what you really desire, not what other people want from you.
- Always be yourself. Don’t try to be someone else. Don’t put so much makeup on that your mother won’t recognize you. Wear what you are comfortable with.
Now that you got your mind all set, here’s how to find your soul mate.
5 Simple Steps to finding your Soul Mate:
Step 1: Write down everything you want in your soul mate
- What are their demographics
- What is their family like
- What are their beliefs
- What do they do
- What do they say
- What do they like
- What are their core values
Write everything in Positive form!
For example, “he is a Saver” not “he does not spend too much money”
“Her favorite drink is clean, sparkling water” not “She is not an alcoholic”
I once met a lady who wishes she had a man who
Doesn’t beat her up
Doesn’t yell at her
Doesn’t watch sports all the time
And, guess what, she wound up with 3 husbands who drank, smoke, beat her up, yell at her, and watched sports all day long.
The universe doesn’t hear the not’s, the don’ts. State everything in the positive.
Here’s a better example:
My soul mate is 2 years older than me
He lives in the Los Angeles metro area
He lives alone in an apartment downtown
He has never been married
He studied chemical engineering at Brown University
He loves smooth jazz, plays the saxophone
He has his own online business and works 20 hours a week
He loves to travel and has traveled to London, Paris, Tokyo, Milan
Allow yourself a few hours to write this out. Write out anything that comes to mind. Don’t worry about why you want it, whether there is such a person or not. You should have a few pages of notes on your soul mate, and your notes should paint a very clear picture of how he / she is like.
Got it? good. Now move on to Step 2.
Look through your list from step 1. Identify which of these qualities are non-negotiables. E.g. # of kids, religion, core values, etc.
One of the main reasons for divorce nowadays is ‘Irreconcilable differences’. It would be nice to know what these differences are before you get too involved into the relationship.
If you want 4 children of your own, and she strongly refuse to carry any children, that’s a non-negotiable for both of you.
If you are a ‘Saver’ and saves every penny, and she is a ‘spender’ and decides to spend as if every day is her last day, that’s a non-negotiable too.
If you are super ambitious and would do anything to get ahead, and she just wants to lay back, have a small house, a small family and lead a peaceful, quiet, non-eventful life, that is an incompatibility.
So review your list, and highlight those that are most important to you. These are your non-negotiable qualities that your soul mate must have, the values that he / she must have and agree to.
Done? Now move on to the next step. And it is the most important step.
Most people would have an idea of how their soul mate would be like. How they look, how the smell, what values they have. Many don’t go into the details of what qualities are a must-have’s and which ones are just ‘nice-to-have’s. If you get past both Step 1 and 2. Congratulations. But the biggest challenge is still ahead.
Most people missed Step 3.
Review the list in your hand. Imagine a person that has all the qualities that you have listed. What kind of person would he / she be looking for? What would their ‘List’ look like?
This is the person that you have to Become.
Yes it involves changing yourself. Upgrading ‘YOU’ to become ‘Attractive’. So that your Soul Mate will be ‘Attracted’ to You.
And if you are not willing to change, then maybe you should cross that item off your list.
If you want a Billionaire, but deep down your core value says that every rich person is Evil. Then you have a problem.
If I want someone who is a musician, you can’t hate drums because it is noisy. It just won’t work.
Write down who you have to become, what qualities do you have to have, and how are you going to think and behave. Then move on to Step 4.
Step 4: Use Visualizations.
You may call it meditation. We call it Affirmations. Every night, before you go to bed, review what you wrote down in Step 3: Who you have to become in order to attract your soul mate.
Do it every night. And believe that you deserve to have that special person in your life. Someone to share your life, your love, your laughter, your misery, and your stories. Someone to grow old with you.